世上最絕的分手信
再和大家分享好文章。今次的是小說《Sense and Sensibility》中賤男 Willoughby 給女主角那封冷血的分手信。
話說賤男跟女主角在家鄉相戀，有天男的要到倫敦工幹，短期內不會回來；女的唯有承諾等他，更剪下一束頭髮，給他留念。後來她千里迢迢跑到倫敦，想和他重聚，找了良久，最後在舞會中碰上了，但男的竟然對她毫不理會，只顧和身邊的女伴談笑。女的傷痛欲絕，寫信跟他攤牌。信中第一句就說：
What am I to imagine, Willoughby, by your behaviour last night? I demand an explanation of it.
末段更表示「如果你不愛我了，請交還我給你的那束頭髮」：
If your sentiments are no longer what they were, you will return my notes, and the lock of my hair which is in your possession.
幾天後，苦命的女主角收到這樣的回信：
My Dear Madam,
I have just had the honour of receiving your letter, for which I beg to return my sincere acknowledgements. I am much concerned to find there was anything in my behaviour last night that did not meet your approbation; and though I am quite at a loss to discover in what point I could be so unfortunate as to offend you, I entreat your forgiveness […]. My esteem for your whole family is very sincere; but if I have been so unfortunate as to give rise to a belief of more than I felt, or meant to express, I shall reproach myself for not having been more guarded in my professions of that esteem. […] It is with great regret that I obey your commands of returning the letters, with which I have been honoured from you, and the lock of hair, which you so obligingly bestowed on me.
I am, dear Madam, Your most obedient humble Servant,
John Willoughby.
整篇意思大約是：「我跟你從來沒有甚麼關係，是你自作多情了。」
最要命的是信中措詞。信中用字極度謙卑有禮，卻同時冷酷得教人不寒而慄。這些字句，像寫給陌生人的公函多於像寫給舊愛的信：
had the honour of receiving your letter
beg to return my sincere acknowledgements
anything in my behaviour… that did not meet your approbation
at a loss to discover in what point I could be so unfortunate as to offend you
措詞愈有禮，愈教人心寒。
賤男更把責任都推在「自作多情」的女主角身上，這同樣以委婉的言詞道出。
if I have been so unfortunate as to give rise to a belief of more than I felt, I shall reproach myself for not having been more guarded in my professions of that esteem.
大意是：「假如我對你表現得太友善而引起誤會，我深感遺憾。」
讀到這裡，只想爆粗，同時不得不由衷佩服賤男的文筆。
蕭愷一
註：《Sense and Sensibility》中譯為《理智與感情》，作者是十九世紀初期英國作家 Jane Austen，她最為大家熟識的作品該是《Pride and Prejudice》（傲慢與偏見）。Austen 也是我很喜歡的作家。
蕭愷一 
2 Responses to “世上最絕的分手信”
I got this kind of replied before. yes same feeling, 只想爆粗，同時不得不由衷佩服賤男的文筆。wtf
男人嘛，都是不負責任的動物。